worst date ever.

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Some dates go down in history as the greatest night ever. You regale your friends with tales of how much chemistry was flowing between the two of you. Each hour between texts is agonising as you wait for them to respond. And there are those dates that you can’t wait to leave. Those horrific moments that you gossip with your friends about. These are the dates that almost linger in your mind longer than those amazing ones.

It’s been almost two years since this horrific date and I will never forget it. I hadn’t thought about it months until I was out with my man and trading horror stories. Lesson learnt from this conversation: women seem to suffer more bad dates than men, and women are apparently more susceptible to horrible sex. After telling the boyfriend about this horrific experience, I decided it should be shared with the world.

The meeting happened over Tinder, obviously all bad dates come from Tinder. We chatted for almost two weeks before actually meeting because he was out of town for some of the week and I was busy with Uni. The banter was ok, he seemed unable to sense sarcasm… first warning sign. Unfortunately, my witty banter is almost exclusively sarcasm. We had some things in common, but I was honestly grasping at straws in order to make some chemistry happen. He was nice, polite, and not talking to me about sex, of course I was attempting to create some connection. Anywho, our date eventually happened on a Friday night. It was to be in the city.

NOTE: I am a suburban girl and unashamed, I am uncool and unhip, I rarely travel and bar hop in the city because I have no clue of where to go.

So I drove to his place in the near outer suburbs of the city and met him outside his place. It was assumed I may have to crash because we were going drinking. After a few weeks of chatting, I felt ok crashing, if I thought he was a creep I could feign illness and drive myself home. The second the date began I could tell there was probably going to be no chemistry or sparks. He was nice enough but boring. Nothing charming about him, nothing overly humorous, and he seemed kind of awkward around me. Despite this feeling I ploughed on hoping for the best and being open to this date. We went bar hopping and this seemed perfect at making the night more fun. My first big warning of the night was… he didn’t offer to a) pay for any of my drinks, and b) didn’t go into any drinks rounds with me despite the fact I attempted to initiate this and buy him a drink when I went up to the bar. I’m sorry, I may be a modern day girl but if I buy you a f***ing drink, at least offer to buy one back. OR if you finish your drink and I’ve finished mine maybe ask me if I’d like another one. VERY VERY RUDE. I was pretty turned off at this point, and very shocked. He knew I was working part time and studying, while he was working full time. If this is the case then at least go halvesies. So far the date was uninspiring.

Fast forward a few more bars and a dozen more drinks, we were back at his place watching a movie on his bed. Obviously this is where you cue the kissing and touching. The intimate moments began and it was nice, nothing special. Continue along and he’s trying his best to impress me and we’re naked. It’s safe to say this little solider was not going to make the cut. I was lying there awkward and bored. To make matters worse…. when the big moment finally came and he climbed on top and began trying his hardest I knew something was terribly wrong. I don’t exaggerate a single moment of this, the second he started one thought ran through my mind; “Is it in?”
I kid you not, nothing was felt. The sinking feeling of realising yes in fact he was in, was more depressing than I could have imagined. This horror story continued when he pulled out and the condom clean fell off and was left behind inside me. The poor dude lost all ability to keep it on when he went down. I will never forget the awkward moment of pulling it out of myself…

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Well, that was it. The worst date ever. I spent a lot on drinks, had no orgasm, and felt no spark. A lack of orgasm is always forgiven if the spark is there, I mean no one finishes the first time, but without the spark there’s no reason trying again. I’m not proud, but after the incident I was so awkward I just left it, I ghosted him and I never thought I would be the kind of person to do that. My one main lesson learnt from this experience… just hold out for the person who gives you butterflies because anything less than that is a waste of my time.

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back again.

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So I have been a little absent lately… forgive me though, please. I have this year, started working full time as a teacher, so my life has become a constant battle between; a) wanting to be good at my job, and b) wanting to have a social life. Unfortunately the one to be forgotten and left behind was my quaint little blog. Recently, I have been so angry at myself for letting my one and only hobby go untended and forgotten. So, I am going to try and be as regular as possible with my posts, not for anything else but for my sanity.

A mini life update.. I am currently loved-up and no longer suffering through horrifically award Tinder dates or drunken mistakes. The man in my life is someone I have known for a while, and it was no surprise we ended up meeting up again and picking up where we left off *wink face*. Embarrassingly enough we matched on Tinder, because I always swipe peopled I know, and we began chatting again. For anyone that knows me, I was a pretty cut-throat bitch when it comes to corny couples and gross displays of affection. BUT I have been broken! I am so ashamed and so happy all at once. I have turned into a f***in love-a-holic. Any moment we’re alone I’m lying all over him, being sweet, saying ‘I love you’ constantly… and it somehow sickens me and makes me smile. We’re still pretty fresh, (9 and half months fresh), so I’m hoping this stuff dies down. Although, maybe we’re even worse because we knew each other before and had a fling years ago. I don’t know… maybe that’s why we’re more comfortable. Anywho, the point is, I’m loved-up and this blog may begin lacking the single girl flair it used to have, however who knows I could be single by next year and we’re back to square one aren’t we?

Life update number two.. I am a working girl, no longer a broke Uni student, I am now a broke Teacher and I love it. I have never been more challenged, stressed and inspired all at once. It has been such a huge learning curve having my very own class, and my very own classroom. I will not post teacher related stories unless they’re f****g hysterical the I will of course need to get it out in the world. I’ll stop teacher talk now because I know it’s boring to anyone who’s not a teacher.

So, to sum up. Sorry for be a lazy f***er, I will try and be a more effective blogger.

try hard.

It’s no secret to my beautiful friends that I f**king love makeup with a passion unseen since Helen of Troy started a war. I love collecting makeup and spend an obscene amount of money it. So it was no surprise that for my birthday I received an eye shadow palette and a MECCA gift card. Definitely presents from the heart. The minute I received the gift card I sped to MECCA and purchased something I have been lusting for from afar for quite some time, like I mean since it was released earlier this year. Every time I graced the store I would swatch this little palette and yearn for it with all my might. BUT the price was way too steep for my liking. The gift card didn’t cover the whole thing but it did do the lions share of the work.

May I present the Hourglass Illume Sheer Colour Trio Palette…

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This delicate little palette is a cream contour palette that retails for a whopping $90….. yes it’s that expensive… Hourglass is a luxury brand and thankfully is cruelty free so that’s a bonus. I have a deep loving and committed relationship with my NARS contour duo but I have always wanted to try and use a cream product, especially with summer upon us Aussies. Having loads of powder of the skin during summer is really uncomfortable and heavy, even for us oily girls. So I marched into MECCA, gift card in hand, and bought this beauty. I waited a full two days before trying this out…. and I was totally let down at first. I had built this up in my head for so long that it was kind of a fizza. I first tried using my fingers to apply the bronzer as a contour and then blend out the cream with a damp sponge. This was horrible, I was left with a dirty bit muddy line down my cheek. Very disappointed at this moment. After all this time and the price of this thing I expected angels to sing on high the minute it graced my cheek. I did however have more luck with the blush and the highlight. The blush is a very peachy pink colour that gives you a lovely flush to the skin, it is harder than bronzer in texture. The highlight is amazing, it’s a mixture of natural and blinding… however I did expect big things from the highlighter as Hourglass is known for their glow factor. With all that being said I was most looking forward to the bronzer and it let me down massively.

Fast forward a month and a million uses more and I finally love this bronzer/contour cream. I tried in vain with the finger/sponge technique before giving up and trying a good old fashioned contour brush. I use the Real Techniques contour brush. Instead of applying the bronzer to my cheek with my finger I decided to just put the brush in the product and then apply and blend from there. This technique is easily the better option for using this bronzer. The minute I applied this with the brush I was blown away, which was the reaction I was hoping for the first time I used this. The contour blends down to a nice ‘natural’ look. I use this as an everyday/dinner contour look. It gives your skin a lovely sun kissed colour. I will say that using your fingers for some reason on me gave the bronzer an orange under tone, but the brush didn’t… go figure?

i’ll never stop.

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Over the past year I have been undergoing a full mind and body overhaul. I gave up processed and refined sugars in my food and drinks, updated my makeup and skincare routines, began reading more and more autobiographies about kickass women, and above all attempted to change my outlook on self esteem. The biggest shift was going to the gym and working out my body from head to toe. I began actually trying to make my body stronger and fitter. What began as a way of losing weight to make myself feel better soon turned into trying to make my body feel better and stronger. After giving up sugar and being careful (for the most part) about what I put in my body the weight began dropping off me. It was an unexpected outcome of what I thought would simply be a minor change. I guess it shows how much sugar and processed foods affect your body. Anyway the point is my body change dramatically, and so did my attitude.

Over this past year more than ever before I have been getting the time old phrase “Oh my god you’re so tiny now!” or “Oh my god how much weight have you lost?”
To be honest I’m getting F***ing sick of it. I try hard to watch what I eat and have some self control over what I put in my body. On a girls night or a long day at Uni people may want to indulge in chocolate and power to them but for me I know that can be a catalyst for a total binge session. I know my limits and I know that food for me is and can be a definite addiction. If I get caught in a food spiral it’s as if I’m a drug addict or an alcoholic on a bender. I carry weight all over my body and I can put it on fast. It’s taken me over a year and half to develop at best a mediocre metabolism. The problem is if I binge eat for a week I’ll put on 2 or 5kg instantly. It’s my curse.

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The thing people need to understand is that just because someone has lost weight and goes to the gym and tries hard, doesn’t mean they can magically stop and keep their new body. Once you start this journey you can never magically reach the Holy Grail and be happy forever and chill out on the beach eating shit all day. Unfortunately I’ll never stop going to the gym, never stop watching what I eat and drink, and I’ll never stop fearing the return of fat me. To be honest I don’t know if I was all that fat, but I was overweight and unhealthy. That version of me will never be from my mind, she will never stop haunting me and my every eating move. The whole reason I began trying to lose weight was because my self-esteem was at zero, zilch, nada, I would fear the mirror and fear seeing myself naked and all my wobbly bits and imperfections. I remember once doing my fake tan (you have to be practically naked in front of a mirror) being close to tears at the sight of my unsightly body fat. I was standing there thinking, ‘Why am I bothering with this tan? As if anyone will notice the tan beyond my fat.’ In my head fat me is huge, to be honest she was probably a size 12 but to me I may as well have been the size of a house .
At that point in time I was eating my feelings. I was going to the gym but no amount of exercise can compete with a horrible diet. And exercising without a purpose or any direction is pointless.

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People need to understand that “You’re so tiny now” is not a compliment. Or my favourite “Why do you go to the gym? You’re not fat” or “Why are you not eating sugar? You’re not fat?” Yeah that’s the reason I’m not fat, I exercise and watch what I eat. Constantly telling someone they’re so skinny NOW, is incredibly insulting and disheartening. The minute you hear ‘NOW’ you begin to think “Well shit, was I that f***ing huge before? Was everyone talking about it and laughing behind my back?” Hearing how skinny and small you have become and hearing the shock in someones voice can completely derail all that positive thinking you’ve been training yourself to do. If someone is going to offer a compliment I’d rather hear “Wow you must’ve worked really hard” Because I did work hard. I didn’t just go on some fad diet and exercise myself so hard that I’d vomit. I did it slowly and I never gave up or stopped tying. Changing your body shouldn’t take a magic number of weeks or months, because changing your mindset never stops. Your mindset and how you think and view exercise and eating is the key to changing your body and health. Becoming smaller didn’t magically change my life or make me happy, changing what I put in my body and watching my body change and grow stronger made me happier.

loves of my life.

There are some makeup products in this world that just make your heart sing when you put them on your pretty little face. Some of these products are oldies, some newbies, and some cheap as chips but you love them all the same. Recently I’ve been noticing that I have been grabbing for the same things almost everyday or every time I go out. If you didn’t know Jaclyn Hill began the ‘ride or die’ tag and this is somewhat of my version. These products may not be ride or die but they are very special to my skin and my heart. Unfortunately most of my soul mates are expensive but some are cheap or at least slightly cheaper.

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Soleil Tan de Chanel
This is definitely a luxury item but it’s worth the splurge. I love bronzers and this takes the cake. The texture is beautiful, it’s like a combination of creamy and moussey and it just melts into the skin. Nothing else I own gives me such a natural bronzed look. I have spoken about this product before so I won’t bore you again…

MAC mineralise blush in Warm Soul; Mineralise Skin Finish in Soft and Gentle
These two little beauties were both my first blush and highlight purchase ever. Warm Soul is an oldie but a goodie, it’s definitely an old cult favourite and it’s absolutely one of mine. These blushes last on the skin and fade nicely by the end of the day. I love subtle pink blushes the most and this is very pretty and soft.
The mineralise skin finish powders are like one of the OG highlighters. I bought this a while ago, like way back when I started collecting makeup and I use it every time I go out. Soft and Gentle is a lovely pink highlight that gives the skin a beautiful healthy glow that lasts all night. This will always be a favourite.

NARS contour duo in Paloma
This was my first contour purchase and I’ve never looked back. If you ant something that’ll chisel your cheekbones with an inch of their life then this is for you. The powder is fool proof and so easily blendable. Before this duo I had never tried to contour properly and was pretty scared of that whole world. BUT this product is so easy to blend. I use the matte highlight under my eyes and under my contour to tidy it up.

Jeffree Star velour liquid lipstick in Mannequin
I cannot get over this colour and formula. I have four Jeffree Star liquid lipsticks and this is definitely my favourite colour. Nothing else in my vast lipstick collection comes close to this nude. Mannequin is the perfect nude colour for my pasty arse skin. These liquid lipsticks dry matte but don’t dry out the lips. I use these without a lip liner as they sit better on bare lips.

Hourglass mineral veil primer
Of all the ridiculously over priced products in the world this one is actually worth the steep price. I have quite large pores and can get ridic oily in the summertime and this little vial of absolute deliciousness is perfect at keeping my foundation from looking like an oil slick. Unfortunately I only have the tiny size cus this thing is so expensive, but I think when this runs out I’ll definitely be getting the jumbo size.

L’Oreal brow artist plumper in brunette
I have quite prominent brows as it is but there are random sparse bits, this brow gel is amazing at plumping and setting the brows. I use this literally everyday, like if I leave without this on my brows then I feel naked. Usually I use it alone but I do use it with brow pencil or style as well when I’m feeling the Audrey Hepburn look.

NARS radiant creamy concealer in Light 2
This was my first purchase from NARS and my first (and only) high end concealer. This is a hit and miss for a lot of people but for me it’s a hit. I have really bad dark circles beneath my eyes and this is one of the few concealers than can actually cover everything and brighten the area. This stuff can crease so I always immediately set it with translucent powder, but once it’s set it doesn’t budge.

Rimmel stay matte in transparent
Of all my pressed powders I go for this one the most, well the most at the moment cus my MAC powder is too dark. This simple little cheap powder from Rimmel does wonders for keeping me matte all day long. You need a light hand with this though or foundation turns cakey real quick. All you need is one or taps of your brush and a push into your skin.

Bare Minerals complexion rescue gel
The second I used this beautiful little gel I fell in love. Yes I have spoken about this before so I won’t dwell too much on it. This is a great everyday staple if you’re looking for something to just give you a light coverage that hides all those little spots you hate.

different.

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Over the past year I have been trying mighty hard to change. It started out as wanting to change how I looked, I figured just joining a gym would be the answer to everything. I mean what could go wrong? It’s assumed isn’t it that when you work out you can just eat what you want cus you’re exercising yeah? I mean eating shit is cancelled out by going to the gym…. This was my thought process for almost eight months. At first I did lose a little weight, but eventually my excuses for not changing my lifestyle or awareness of certain dietary choices were wearing thin. When I began working out I simply wanted to lose weight, there was no other motivation behind it. I had recently been dumped, feeling shit, hating my body and just wanting something to change. My entire self worth and value was centred around how I looked. I wanted nothing more than to fit into that old pair of denim shorts I refused to throw out… They were a size 8… please getting back to that would be impossible at the rate and attitude I was travelling with. Eventually I decided finally on just biting the bullet and going hard with changing my diet. I didn’t just go on a fad diet that would last a month and then wear off, I changed everything. Something in me finally clicked and I realised, maybe my body just wasn’t doing what I wanted it to cus my brain wasn’t in tune with what it needed. My body didn’t need half arsed exercise and eating shit, it needed regular full body work and food that nourished. I needed to change my perception of beauty and what that meant to me. Being thin wasn’t enough, being healthy is what I really needed. I needed to alter my perception of fit and healthy. Feeling fit, feeling healthy, feeling confident in my appearance was something I needed. No matter what we say, everyone at some point in their life has a moment where they hate their body. Our bodies are so important. We wouldn’t be who we are without our body. We wouldn’t be able to grow and develop without our body’s carrying us.

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People blame modern society on a woman’s self worth. And while yes the media and the internet haven’t helped, but let’s be honest unrealistic expectations of women’s bodies have been around for centuries. They’re put on us because we keep the species going so men need to feel attracted to us, like they want to create life with us. I mean a man invented heels to make a woman’s chest seem larger and her stomach smaller. The trick is not letting these expectations rule you, you need find what you want and why you want to look that way. Just look back at the 50’s. Marilyn Monroe, Audrey Hepburn, Elizabeth Taylor, Ava Gardner… these women were beautiful, even by today’s so called standards. Models and actresses are beautiful and wanted because they’re beauty is symmetrical. This idea hasn’t changed. The only change is that the body type has become more and more unrealistic. However even still, Monroe at her largest was a size 12 (AUS) which is not big and she was actually pregnant and then suffering a miscarriage so the weight was emotionally unhealthy. But to be honest her usual size was an 8 AUS, which is a 4 US so she was actually pretty damn small. People have romanticised the 50’s as being some sort of magical era of women with curves and waifs non-existent, but that’s just not true. Screen sirens and models of the 50’s were under extreme pressure to have tiny waists, womanly hips and large breasts. To many that body type would be unrealistic. Even all the way back in the Victorian Era, women were cinched at the waist to make them seem smaller. Either having their breasts pushed down into obscurity or pushed up beyond belief. No matter the era in time, women are expected to look a certain way.

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Being small is something I wanted. I didn’t know why I needed to look that way. Maybe I thought if I were thin then all my problems would magically disappear. Maybe if I fit some sort of mould then I would be happy. But it just didn’t happen overnight, and it didn’t happen because I exercised beyond belief and starved myself. Eventually our excuses for avoiding actually making a decent change wear thin. People feel the need to justify why they can’t change something about themselves. Even though someone thinks going on a soup diet will help them drop ten kgs in a matter of weeks, once it’s over the weight comes back and the excuses return. Changing involves consciously admitting you are the problem. My entire self worth centred on my body and it wasn’t changing because I only wanted to be thin, I didn’t want to be healthy. Feeling fit, feeling healthy, feeling strong is different from wanting to be thin, from wanting to be fit. My body didn’t change until my attitude changed. My body image is something I’ve struggled with all my life. I doubt I’ll ever feel 100% comfortable in my own skin, but I’m trying my darnedest to change my attitude. Eventually the mind has to nurture the body. Eventually we need to realise our body is a gift.

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seeing double.

As of late I have been trying to find cheaper or just different dupes for various well loved products. Some of the doubles I’ve purchased have actually been the more expensive of the two but I’m honestly just trying to figure out which thing is better. I am a fiend for watching dupe videos on YouTube so I figured I may as well share my thoughts on some dupes.
Side note…. some of these aren’t exact dupes they’re merely products that do similar things or are packaged in a similar way. You’ll get my meaning as we go on.

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Sukin Hydrating Mist Toner 
Avene Thermal Spring Water; 

Ok so these two things aren’t exactly the same but I have been wanting to try out the Avene Thermal Spring Water for quite some time but always thought it was a waste of money. I mean at the end of the day it’s nothing more than posh water in a can, so naturally I purchased it during the Priceline 40% off skincare sale. I don’t think I’d pay full price for the thermal water, only cus it’s way over priced and doesn’t really do anything special. Don’t get me wrong this stuff is really refreshing post workout or when my skin is starting to feel a little wind swept and dry during this winter. I must admit I really love the packaging and the spray mechanism but it’s still not really worth the price.
As for the Sukin Mist Toner, well, this stuff is a hidden gem of wonderfulness. I use this after washing my face before I moisturise and all that jazz. I love how this makes my skin feel. As most traditional toners have alcohol in them they can make your skin feel tight and crappy. However this little bottle of liquid gold is filled with gentle natural ingredients that don’t seem to tighten my skin. This stuff just refreshes my skin and makes it feel so soft. I will say I wish the spray mechanism was a little sturdier as sometimes it just squirts instead of misting over my face.

Go-to skincare Lips! Lanolips 101 ointment; 

So I am a die hard fan of Go-to skincare and Zoe Foster-Blake, but I do find it difficult when I start running out of certain products. I usually try and order multiples or try to do a bulk order at once but I’m not really running out of anything else except my lip balm so I had to try something else. Lanolips and Go-to Lips! work on the same principle, both make their product using lanolin. For those of you who don’t know lanolin is an extract from sheep’s wool, bit gross but very absorbent and nourishing to the skin not just lips. The reason both companies advertise the use of lanolin so heavily is because it both creates a protective barrier but absorbs beautifully at the same time. Once upon a time long ago I used to love Lucas Paw Paw ointment, but eventually I found that it was just sitting on my lips without actually doing anything for the dry cracked mess. Everything changed when I tried out Lips! Pretty sure I’ve spoken about my love of this before so I won’t repeat myself again.
As for Lanolips well I think I may have discovered a new substitute for when I’m running out of Lips! and can’t be bothered paying for shipping. The 101 ointment is designed to give you 101 uses….get it. I have the traditional 101 ointment which is made purely from lanolin… that’s right one ingredient. It has not scent, no taste, no nothing, just absorption goodness. I also have the strawberry ointment aimed at lips but I haven’t opened it yet. I’m sure it does the same thing though.

Laura Mercier Translucent Setting Powder RCMA No Colour Powder; 

I have recently spoken about my love for the Laura Mercier powder so I won’t go into detail. All I’ll say is that it is wonderful at setting your under eye makeup. It’s silky smooth and leaves the skin feeling so soft. I also like to use this to set my whole face.
Now onto the second product… Finally after months of deliberation and constantly adding and deleting this product from my cart I finally decided to get the RCMA No Colour Powder. This shit is raved about more than Chris Hemsworth’s abs. The RCMA powder is made from two ingredients – talc & silica. Yes as of late we’re all supposed to be scared of talc but I’ve never had an issue with it and it can be hard to find powders that don’t include it.
My first time using the RCMA powder left me underwhelmed. I tried using it to bake (which I have never done before) and it dried my under eyes so much! My under eyes aren’t particularly sensitive so I was really surprised to have this issue. However I have decided that the dryness was caused by being sick for three days (which dries out my skin heaps!) and heaping on a bunch of powder didn’t really help the issue. Since that fail of a night I have been giving this powder a decent go. I will say I am coming around on this product. It sets my under eyes amazingly. However I still love my Laura Mercier powder more for setting my whole face. For me the Mercier powder leaves my skin with a more velvety feeling. I have to say I won’t be running out of loose powder any time soon. Seriously the RCMA tub is f**kin huge! I was so scared I wouldn’t like it, it would have been such a waste for the size. Minor point, I hate the packaging of the RCMA powder, it’s really awkward getting product. I use the cap to get the powder. If you’re looking for a basic, hard working loose powder for cheap then definitely try the RCMA powder.

Bondi Sands Everyday Gradual Tanning Foam Bondi Sands Everyday Gradual Tanning Milk

I am aware this is comparing the same brand… However Bondi Sand recently released a new gradual tanner. This time it’s in foam form. I’ve been using the gradual tanning milk for about 8 months and I do really like it, both as a moisturiser and a tanning product. BUT I’m always ready try something else.
My first time using the gradual foam was strange. This product doesn’t moisturise your skin like the tanning milk, but it does leave you with a more natural looking subtly developing colour. I found the foam easier to work with and it definitely dries faster than the tanning milk. The gradual tanning milk is definitely better at moisturising and nourishing your skin, but I have always had an issue with the colour it leaves after too  much use. I have preferred using the milk as a means of prolonging the life of a full fake tan. However I will be trying out the foam with a heavy duty tanning mousse to see if it prolongs a tan better than the milk.