the art of being the ‘single friend’

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Anyone else out there surrounded by loving committed couples? Well I hope so cus I feel like one lonely bitch. I am perpetually surrounded by couples getting married, buying houses, travelling together or just generally flashing their love in my face. Don’t get me wrong I am happy for them, in fact I wish that for all my loved ones. However being the single friend can get annoying. Luckily I do have a few single friends but let’s face it, when 90% of your friendship group are in couples then it’s safe to say you’re definitely surrounded by couples.

I enjoy being single, most of the time. I enjoy the freedom to do as I wish without asking permission or having to check in with someone else when I want to go to the gym at some absurd hour of the night or go out for drinks with girlfriends. I enjoy not being judged because I want to drink a whole bottle of wine alone and eat a block of vintage cheddar alone on a Saturday night. I enjoy being able to fart in bed without fear of dutch ovening someone else. In fact a lot of the time I f***ing love being alone. However there comes those times when you’re out for dinner with friends and you’re on the ‘single side’ of the table. Or you’re being asked to share stories from your dating life, because couples think you live this amazingly wonderful sex filled world like you’re living Sex and The City. Sometimes I actually do have stories to tell, but most of the time I don’t.

Here are my steps for surviving the couple world.

Ignore them when they start being cute:
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Doesn’t it make you sick when your couple friends start baby talking, kissing, snuggling or being generally disgusting in front of you? Yeah me too. The easiest thing to do, depending on how close you are to them, is to either; A) make fun of them by mimicking them; B) interrupt them by hugging them; C) flat out ignore them (as per the heading).


At all costs avoid the fix up:giphy1

I don’t  know what it is about couples and wanting to ‘fix you up’ with any single man they know but they all seem to try. I mean what one of us has had a happy ending from the fix up? At my last count zero. We’ve all been the victim of the accidental fix up and it’s horrible. Accidental my pasta filled ass.


Always be prepared with the witty sarcastic comments:
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In my circle of friends I’m known as the sarcastic one. I use this to my advantage… always. So when my friends start being cutesy and begin having those ‘cute little domestics’ in front you, you must be prepared with an arsenal of sarcastic comments to combat these awkward times.


Always be ready to drink:
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This should apply at dinner parties. You know those parties filled with couples? Yeah enough said, just down that wine and start another one because you know when your friends get drunk they get super handsy with their partner.


Always advocate for your perfect single self:
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There will come a time when your friends and family begin asking you “How can you still be single?” OR my favourite “Why are you still single?” News flash I’m single by choice most of the time, especially when fuck boys and losers are the only ones paying me attention. So for now date yourself because you’re gonna make yourself happier than anyone (*cough cough* vibrator).

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