So I feel that sometimes my friends don’t truly understand the subtext of what I’m saying most of the time, especially when it comes to dating or just being single in general. Most of what I say could be construed as pathetic, improper, or just inappropriate. I mean if you’re a single girl surrounded by friends in loving relationships then odds are you’re the one sitting there with nothing to add to the conversation when it inevitably steers towards ‘couple life’. You can sit there with a smile plastered on your face or the obligatory “he’s a dick” line, but when it comes down to it there’s nothing to say. This is usually because your last relationship ended too long ago for you to keep bitching about him or you’ve been single for so long that you actually have nothing to add. So when you finally do get to add something to the conversation your friends will usually flash you a ‘poor you glance’ or try to pep talk you. Sometimes a single girl just needs to feel these things, and we should be able to talk about it, to express this feeling because sometimes it’s hard being single. Sometimes a girl needs a vent, whether it’s about her boyfriend, her husband or about the fact she doesn’t have any of those things. Because sometimes a girl gets lonely. Sometimes she needs some time to just vent and then other times she needs to drink some wine and say some inappropriate things. So I feel I should translate some of what us single ladies may say.
Yeah I’m just focusing on myself right now: I am so incredibly bored by my own company.
I’ve been seeing this guy for a few weeks but it’s nothing serious: I have a fuck buddy and we have sex, that’s all.
I’m totally over my ex: Please mention him soon or I’m gonna die.
Yeah of course your boyfriend can come: If you bring him I will smack a bitch up and flip a table.
I love being alone: If I have to spend another night in alone with my cat I will go insane. Bitches just have a f***ing drink or coffee with me.
Yeah I texted him while I was drunk but whatever: Why the f**k did none of you take my phone off me?
Yeah a girls night sounds great: Holy shit yes bitches! About f***ing time you all spent a night with me.
I’m getting a little over being single: If I don’t get laid or get some of the ‘D’ soon I will wear out my vibrator.
It’s totally fine that you and your boyfriend and another couple are coming out for dinner: Are you all completely heartless?! I am going to be the fifth f***ing wheel here guys, how did that not cross your mind?
Yeah I just adopted a kitten from the shelter: It’s come down to this, this is how it ends. I am officially the single girl with a cat.
I set up a Tinder account just to play with it a bit: My life is so boring I actually intend on meeting some of these people.
I love that show I just finished it: It took me like a weekend to finish it, I’m already onto the next show.
Yeah I’m fine: I really just want to vent to you about how much I hate being single, but I know you’ll judge me for being pathetic.
I’m excited for girls night: I am so incredibly lonely and miss you bitches so much I could die.
Yeah I’ve been missing you: If I didn’t see you soon I was going to send out a search and rescue.
Yeah we’ll have another bottle thanks: I just want some f***ing wine.
Sometimes I want a boyfriend: Sometimes I just need the ‘D’, hard.
I love you bitches: I love you bitches, never leave me. Seriously never leave me I actually depend on you more than you realise.