to my married friend.

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So I have one friend, well two technically, who is married. I met her through her husband/fiancé at the time who was my best mate through high school and beyond. Being a female friend to a male can always be hard, especially when you meet the girlfriend, who at the time was his soon to be wife. However lucky for him, and me, I fell in love with his girlfriend. In fact somehow I managed to replace her best friend. This friendship made me more aware than ever about what love should look like. Although I have many friends who are in loving relationships, none seem to be as effortless and comfortable as these two. I think it comes down to one simple fact, I am comfortable with them because they are both two of my closest friends.

In my time around them I have come to witness many disgusting yet beautiful moments between a pair of humans who love each other so deeply they actually broke that barrier and married young. In this day and age if you’re not married by the time you’re 30 then you’re fine, it’s normal. However if you marry before you’re 25 then, well, you’re a freak apparently. Except you’re not. Why is it abnormal to marry young? Why do we as a society question love if the couple is below a certain age? How are we the experts on when you should ‘find love’? Because you can’t time it. Love comes eventually, sometimes at the wrong the time. For those lucky few who actually meet their person while their still young enough to enjoy a full life together, well I say on behalf of many single girls “we’re jealous”. Not angrily jealous, just envious.

To be fair I always tease the two of them. They’re so disgusting I sit there thinking “Do I actually want that?” And the answer is yes. Don’t we all want that? The married friend has moments of jealousy I’m sure, of her single friends. Possibly jealous they can go out and flirt without care. Jealous they can starfish the bed or experience casual sex. Sometimes the two women, married and single, become locked in some kind of war. The married vs, single. Who wins? Neither I guess. Sometimes single women can feel judged or threatened. However a married woman can feel those things as well. So I say how about we bridge the gap between married and single women. Why do so many friendships die after one of them gets married? Is the single girl so incredibly resentful she must cut out her friend simply because she found that one thing we all want? Or perhaps the married friend has no time. However as I trudge along through the pitfalls of adulthood I’ve come to realise I am closest to my married friend, closest to my coupled friends. Why? I don’t know. Maybe I enjoy being around a positive example of love that doesn’t involve cheating, poor taste, bad pick up lines or general betrayal. Or perhaps like all women I enjoy being around couples because theres no competition. As a single girl I realise we’re all competing against the other to find our person. We’re all out there trying our best and if we’re surrounded by couples then there’s no threat if you begin flirting with a single guy. However maybe it’s more than that. Maybe these lucky few are needed in our lives because every now and then you don’t believe anymore. You don’t believe in the happy ending, because the 21st century seems to be fighting against love. Sometimes being alone can get so unbelievably infuriating and lonely that you become disheartened. And why wouldn’t you? Amongst all the crappy Tinder guys, bad dates, horrible freaks at bars, and just general heartache, we inevitably become cynical.

To all of you out there who have found love and managed to keep it in your life I say, congratulations. Seriously though you’ll have no idea how horribly wonderful it is to watch you with your loved one.

To my married friend, I may tease you, and mimic you, but deep down all I am is jealous. All I am is frustrated and lonely and wishing for the day I can say I’ve found it. However until then all I can do is watch from afar envious that you have love in your life. Envious that you can say you’ve found someone who loves you. Envious that you will never go to bed lonely or fall asleep wondering if love is meant to find you. Because the single girl will think that. No matter the age of the woman or the stage in her life, she will think that love is not meant for her. She will think maybe her life is destined for something more, something else. She will think that maybe, just maybe all the love in her life is to come from her friends and family. So until then she will look upon you lucky few and think maybe these girls are my soul mates. Maybe they are the loves of my life because in the end they’re the ones who stuck around. They’re the ones who stick with you no matter how bad things get. They’re the ones who were there when you were your most horrible self and they still said ‘I love you’.

And no matter how much you hate them for being in love, your married friend is the one who knows. She’s the one who knows love comes eventually, whether you were searching for it or not. She is the one who reminds you that it does exist, it’s not some urban legend women tell themselves to keep going. She is the one who knows sometimes all you need is a bottle of wine, Gossip Girl/Sex and The City/ any chick flick, and some time to vent. Because deep down she knows and remembers that she was you once. She knows the pain and heartache and hopelessness that can follow you around. She knows that sometimes you need to just feel hopeless, because the best moments in our lives are the ones that taught us something.

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2 thoughts on “to my married friend.

  1. This is beautifully written…and the last paragraph is me.
    I got married a year and half ago and have been so worried about being one of “those” married people. It’s worth waiting and being patient because when you do meet someone everything eill happen so quickly and like me, you will look back to your single days fondly.

    Liked by 1 person

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