when a f***boy gets the best of you.

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We’ve all been there right? Floating along effortlessly having unemotional casual sex with a hot guy that stimulates your sexuality more than any other man has ever been able to. It’s amazing at first. It’s amazing how easy this whole act is. Meeting at night or over an afternoon for an hour or so to have sex and that’s all. For a while you think “Oh my god why have I never done this before? Or better yet why don’t we do this more?” Casual sex is both a blessing and a curse. The blessing being effortless physical intimacy without the messiness of dating. The curse being the rules. For some reason the more casual the relationship the more ridiculous rules we are expected to follow. Why? Shouldn’t a lack of feeling provoke lesser rules and expectations?

The rules are simple, at first;
You don’t actually use the phone to speak to them, you only use it to text and organise the next hook up.
You can under no circumstances text him asking how his day is going.
You must not classify what you are doing as ‘dating’.
You 
cannot tell your family you’re seeing him.
You cannot under any circumstances, no matter how long you’ve known him, catch feelings for him. 

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For me the final rule was the one I knew I’d have the most trouble with. I’ve had guys play the invisible man before and I’m usually fine with it. In fact I can sometimes see it coming, to be honest I’ve played the invisible girl before.
Over the past months of having some of the most mind blowing orgasms of my life with a man I was casually hooking up with I began to realise, much to my dismay, that I was beginning to actually like him. I have spoken previously of this dilemma. I’ve spoken of the invisible man who came in and out of my life quickly without causing too much damage, however he came back… He came quickly and forcefully and played the perfect role of the sweet man. What an idiot I was. I feel like smacking that girl who let him back in. She’s a dumb bitch, seriously. I was doing just fine, plodding along living life without a care in the world. And then he comes back. Let me just say fellas, a forehead kiss should never be shared unless you have deep feelings for the girl. Likewise a standing naked hug, or sniffing her hair, or letting her bury her face in your chest should not be allowed unless you intend on treating that girl with some respect and love, or some f**king dignity.
So there I was (rather am) sitting there looking at my messenger app awaiting a reply that will never come. How do I know it will never come? Well put simply the f***boy didn’t have the common decency to ignore my message completely but open it up, read it and then ignore it. There is nothing more heart wrenching than seeing that tiny little bubble that tells you they’ve read it, they’ve acknowledged it and flat out ignored it. That bubble is just a tiny little reminder that he has absolutely no regards or care to your feelings. And that is the most heart wrenching realisation. That a man you’ve been naked with, a man who has been more intimate with you than most people in your life could care so little about your feelings. Because when it comes down to it if you’re the girl who ‘catches feelings’ then you are forever branded a psycho.

So my question became, why are we condemned for being vulnerable beings? Women are automatically judged for having feelings or becoming emotional because men, most men, would rather label us psycho than actually admit they’re the ones acting like a douche B. More often than not a woman has a legitimate reason for being emotional or becoming upset. Because at some point we realise we can’t keep having emotionless sex with someone we get along with. You realise we’re not emotionless, we have feelings and most of the time we can’t refuse them. In many ways it’s comforting to know that deep down inside the modern young woman, there is still that same 16 year old girl who lets her feelings get the best of her. In this dating era of your life you need to listen to that young girl more. She’s not as stupid and naive as you think. In fact she’s the reason you keep putting up with f***boys. The simple fact is the 16 year old in all of us is keeping us from becoming a slave to our pessimism.

So yes, I let a f***boy get the best of me. Yes I allowed myself to actually succumb and admit to the fact that I liked him enough to let his actions affect me. I let myself become the girl who wants nothing more than to send him a feminist rant of a text. However its more than likely I won’t. I’ll forever be the girl who hides her feelings because at the end of the day we’re all so afraid of showing feelings that we end up playing emotional chicken. God forbid the woman be the one to falter and let it be known she actually likes you.

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