the art of being an uncensored woman.

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In my life I have often been told to speak like a lady, or as my grandmother puts it; “Speaking like that is an unattractive quality in a woman.” Charming right? Thanks gran, appreciate the tip. I refuse to censor myself, not because I’m trying to make a feminist statement, but because it’s who I am. I don’t often filter myself, simply because I don’t have time for bullshit and frankly being an adult means saying what you want. Now I’m not saying that I’m inappropriate all the time, I do have some common manners and sense for a time and place. However when I’m out and in my own life I have no intention of censoring myself or speaking in a way that doesn’t match my thoughts. I often speak like a man and get looks of derision from either prudes or friends that get sick of telling me to tone it down.

I don’t find it hard to speak with men, simply because I don’t bother pretending to be a dainty little girl who doesn’t enjoy talking about sex, swearing regularly or just generally having an opinion and voicing it. I need to clarify, I’m not aggressive, I’m just comfortable enough with myself to speak this way. Some may say it’s a defence mechanism, which to some degree it is. However that doesn’t change the fact that speaking ‘like a man’ (please ladies this phrase needs to stop), because that’s who I am. I have spoken about having no shame. I don’t guard my opinions or my thoughts. From the past weekend I believe a direct phrase from me was, “She can take a dick like nobody’s business.” Yes I actually speak like this. The response I got from a man was, “I love that that just came out of your mouth.”

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It is a fine art being able to speak like this. You need to know your audience. My friends are used to this, but when I meet new people I usually give it about thirty minutes or an hour to decide whether or not these people will understand my sense of humour or how I speak. In my lifetime my swearing has increased a lot. Not because of the freedom to swear as an adult but because it’s just become a part of my natural vocabulary. If people have a problem with it then f**k the f**k off cus I’m not stopping.

Women are often judged for ‘speaking like a man’. Seriously though do we need to keep calling it that? Why do men have this unwritten birth right to be allowed to speak bluntly? This phrase needs to stop, a woman can speak however she goddamn wants. Just because it doesn’t necessarily fit with your idea of a woman doesn’t mean she’s wrong or un-ladylike. I am a blunt woman. Just because I swear and say what I want or make dirty jokes doesn’t mean I’m not ladylike. I’m a f**king lady, I dress well, I don’t act like a little slut, I hold myself well and I don’t feel the need to validate myself by using men. In my opinion speaking so comfortably with people is a show of confidence and decent class. Some of the greatest women in history have been blunt speakers, I mean Joan Rivers was an absolute class act. She never apologised for who she was or how she spoke. She made fun herself and others, and as far as I’m concerned I’m the most qualified to make fun of myself.
Ladies don’t bother censoring your thoughts. Speak what you think and don’t ever apologise for being a woman who speaks bluntly. Think of Amy Schumer, the woman has built a career on telling it how it is. She’s giving a voice to young single women everywhere. She’s given me the inspiration to stop apologising for swearing or talking about my horrible sexual experiences. Not to mention the show ‘Girls’ which can perfectly sum up the awkwardness of sex and the realistically stupid things you fight about with your girlfriends.

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