how feeling single and alone actually feels.

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Now I’m not implying that coupled people don’t know how it feels to be lonely. In fact if they’re in a bad relationship they’re feeling more lonely than anyone else in the world. However I’m sick of people assuming they know how a single girl feels, or a single guy feels. Surprisingly no we don’t sit around binge eating ice-cream on Valentine’s day, or drink our weight in cocktails at Weddings. And no we don’t always want a relationship, we don’t always crave a boyfriend. In fact most of the time we’re fine being single, we’re happy being alone because deep down we’re secure enough to be alone and not go insane. However just because we’ve learnt how to be strong confident ladies doesn’t mean we’re immune to feeling lonely.

Feeling lonely is probably the most disgusting feeling in the world. Nothing is worse than sitting alone at home wishing you had someone to talk to while you know most of your friends are with their partner in that exact second. If I’m actually feeling single AF and hating it, then I’ll probably let you know. I might make a joke of it or I might get sincere as hell and just admit that I’m lonely. In this state a girl will probably admit that yes she actually f**king hates being single and just wants someone to cuddle or kiss or just be one of those gross cute couples that she makes fun of. Usually in this state a girl with fantasise about any guy she meets and is nice to her. She’ll concoct elaborate sex dreams, happily ever after dreams or just going on a date with him dreams. This random guy was probably nice to her in line for coffee, a friend of a friend who was funny, or a guy she met at a bar who was actually decent. I’m not saying us single girls are cray cray, but every now and then being single f**king sucks and we can’t help but fantasise about being with a man.

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Being alone for too long can begin to drive you loopy. Despite how it looks in movies it doesn’t go that way. By the end of summer we don’t magically have a boyfriend. Surprisingly we don’t go on random dates with horrible guys and then magically wind up meeting a perfect man who makes us believe in love again. Actually most of the time when we do get down and feel lonely we sit at home and reflect on what we actually want. Usually we don’t sit around eating chocolate and drinking ten bottles of wine a night. We don’t spend our spare nights on the prowl. We don’t become serial daters. We definitely don’t (or shouldn’t) have reruns with our exes.
Most of the time we sit at home and think over what we actually want. I mean looking back on my mistakes with men I’ve come to realise that I have no idea what I actually want. Some of them have nothing in common. Some fulfil some physical fantasy, others emotional needs, or some fulfil a mental fantasy. When it comes right down to it, being lonely and really looking back on your mistakes makes you realise whether or not you’re actually ready for a relationship. Some girls may say they’re sick of being single, but really they’re sick of being alone with their thoughts, because deep down they hate being alone.
If you’re anything like me, you’ve reached the point of absolute clarity and realised you actually do want a relationship. Realising this is horrible. Its so horrible because the minute you want a relationship is the minute you actually feel alone. It’s the absolute second you realise just how lonely you really are.

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So the next time a friend says they’re lonely and sick of being single just take a moment and realise that being alone all the time is hard. Being a single woman is really difficult sometimes. It’s hard to think that maybe love doesn’t exist. It’s hard to think that maybe you could end up alone. It’s even harder to admit to yourself that you’re actually really lonely.

 

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