Imagine this – you’ve met a nice boy who actually wants to see you, replies to your texts, is keen on organising future dates and is amazing in bed. Sounds pretty darn good yeah? Well in theory it should be. In theory a single girl in the beginning dates and flirtatious texts should be jumping for joy. I mean you’re having fun, you’re smiling when you’re phone goes off and its him, you’re still wearing makeup and wearing cute outfits, and you’re still shaving above the knee. This time in your life should be amazing, you should be feeling happy and relaxed by this surprise new dating partner. However you’re not feeling that way. In fact most of the time you’re f**king terrified and hate the pauses and long hours between text messages. You’re still sure he’s being paid to see you, cus let’s face it why else would a cute nice boy wanna actually go out with out you? In those terrifying hours waiting for a text from him you begin to think of some crazy shit – ‘omg he must have gotten a girlfriend in the past day’; ‘Holy shit he’s realised he can do better’; ‘F**k I shouldn’t have put that smiley face emoji in, it was too much, he probably thinks I’m needy’; ‘What if he’s realised I’m actually the worst?’; ‘F**k what if my friends said something to him about me and now he knows how crazy I am’.
Legit this is what women think, I am not exaggerating.
Those first dates are meant to the be the best ever. You’re meant to be excited at the prospect of a new crush or excited that you like someone who actually seems like a decent human being. However for those single ladies out there who have been lied to, ditched, ghosted, heart broken or basically destroyed, then no these first dates are the actual worst. Feeling vulnerable enough to actually get a crush on someone is deadly for those of us who have built ourselves a snug little steel exterior. Feelings are the worst. It’s bad enough I constantly obsess over my friendships, but add a crush into the mix and it’s literally hell on the Earth. Actually liking someone makes those of us who hate feelings, just hate the experience even more. Casual dating is so much easier for those of us who have actually had to admit that maybe we’re the ones scared of a relationship. Perhaps at some point along the road we realised that maybe we’re terrified of actually opening up to the possibility of a crush or feelings. Because opening up means we can get hurt. And getting hurt is something we don’t deal with well. Maybe when we began dating in high school or dating in our first years out of high school we enjoyed it. We may have loved the feelings of a new crush then but now there is nothing more panic inducing than opening up to someone and actually liking them.
While you’re on the date you love it. While you’re able to be your beautiful charming self in person the dating game seems great. When he smiles at you, holds your hand, kisses you, or just stares into your eyes, you wouldn’t trade those feelings for anything. However in those days between dates, those hours between texts, and the times you don’t see him in person you regret and question everything and anything. Every tiny little “mistake” you make, every text you send first without reply, every time you speak about him you regret it. I mean everyone knows if you talk about a crush then it won’t go anywhere cus you’ve jinxed it…right?
And yet in spite of all these feelings we plough on cus deep down we know that hell I’m damn cute and hella dateable. What dude wouldn’t want me? Even though many of us won’t make it past date number two or maybe five, we still try. We try because at some point we need to grow up, grow some balls and just go on dates with that cute guy.